By: Reid Shawhan
He would do things at the house, he would go play pool, play golf on his golf course, and just do things to occupy the time. Once the day ended he would go to his room lay down and either think of things like his parents, what to do the next day, or watch movies. Flynn loved movies he loved to quote them, he like all kinds of movies but they got him thinking about all these people in the movies had someone to be with. Flynn was very sad and wanted to leave but didn’t know where to go or who to see. So he just stayed in his house trying to do things but was always lonely.
One day he decided to leave his house and go find somewhere to make a new life. He packed a bag full of clothes and put enough money in his bag to live. So he walked outside his house looked at it and then hopped in his Ferrari then realized people will think he’s just a rich snob moving into their town so he took a different regular car. He went to a town named Org, he went to the relator place and got an apartment, it wasn’t too big but it wasn’t too small. He got the keys to the house he went to see and moved in. Then he went shopping to get all the things he needed, food furniture, and other necessities. He was totally moved in, so he decided to start looking for a job. The next morning he sat at the table in the dining room and started looking for a job, he had no idea what to do because he had always had everything done for himself so he didn’t know what he was good at. Then he saw it, the perfect job for him a movie critic. Flynn loved movies this was the perfect job and it paid well, Flynn called in and he got the job. He was so excited to meet new people, make friends, and do what he loves.
Flynn woke up and it was the day, it was his first day at his new job. He got there and the secretary showed him around and told him where he would be working. He sat down at his desk and introduced himself to the two guys near him, their names were John and Peter. Those three talked at their job but they never talked outside of their job. He had met some people but he was not close with them he would see them around the town but never had really hung out with them during the week. He still felt alone, no one was there to talk to him during the day. He was still upset and alone, he began to think that he was the problem. He wanted to leave again, he did not know what to do, he felt so alone again but it was a little better because there were people he could go out and see but no one to talk to through the day. Whenever he felt like this he would go out and walk around the town and see the people with friends and family and it made him upset, everyone was so happy and he didn’t know what to do.

Reid,
ReplyDeleteYour story is very detailed in your settings and characters.I think you should have had Ashley in the story a little more.I suggest that you should not have ended it so quickly.
Dear Reid,
ReplyDeleteWhat I really liked about your story is how Flynn found love and the story was written with a happily ever after. However, the story needs to be spaced out more. How you could improve is make it look more like a story and add dialogue. Space out your paragraphs. Other than that, it was very well written and I enjoyed it.
Dear Reid,
ReplyDeleteWhat I liked about your story is how Flynn and Ashley ended up together. You could improve by using the words alone and lonely a lot less. You could spread out the story better instead of having it all happen so fast.
Reid,
ReplyDeleteThis story was very happy and uplifting, but way too predictable.Try having a few more "downs" so that the "ups" are more dramatic and exciting.